My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
