I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
