I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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