Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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