Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
