How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
