we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
