im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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