let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize