the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Welp...herpes.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
