I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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