somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
