I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
