Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
