sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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