shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
