I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
