So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
