He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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