Fine. I'll sleep in my office
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
