I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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