WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
