just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She is in my trunk
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
