I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
