oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
