Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
They took my balls.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
