No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
