OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
