So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
