Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
