So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
