he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
