two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
