This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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