you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
