Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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