She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
