Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
