i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
