Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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