the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
