you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
