Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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