if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize