Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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