great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
