My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
