Define "chronic" masturbator.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
