the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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