her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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