I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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