the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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