Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
