I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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