I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
