Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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