Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
