I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
