I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
