i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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