i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
