sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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