We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
