I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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