oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
