my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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