I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
