butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
