I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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