Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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