also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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