I cut my penus on the lid.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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