i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
