Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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