We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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