wanna go halves on a baby?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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