So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
