a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize