She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
