i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
