I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
