Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
