The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
