I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
BRING THE BAGELS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
