Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
