Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
