Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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