Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize