Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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