his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
