put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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