I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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