is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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