Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
