I'm drive I can fine osifer
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize