I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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