Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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