I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
